Bare

Many a day and night pass by and confusion still lingers in the hall, in my bedroom, wherever I go.

Don’t write too much for it reveals the contents of your soul to men, women and children unknown.

Hide from the world’s watchful eyes for they seek not to admire you, they seek only to devour you.

Don’t you know that already, my gullible soul?

Aren’t you ever so eager to leap without knowing where you’ll fall?

Aren’t you ever so forgetful of the wounds that brought you home?

But no, no one nor your past can ever seek to contain your spirit

so off you run again to find new roads,

with an open heart that of an unsullied child exploring the world.

-Su De Zoysa

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sun kissed petals

she opened up

like sun kissed petals

that bloom in the morn,

to his embrace, to his half-drawn breaths that fanned her neck..

she blossomed within; lost for breath, her skin did melt, her scarlet lips did imprint a kiss on his untrimmed cheek, her eyelashes wet, her arms coiled around his neck, her fingers running wild clasping his head..

like blossoms turning toward the sun

she turned feverishly to him so young..

-Su De Zoysa

it’s okay soldier

it’s okay soldier from some foreign land,

plunder our homes, obey his command.

it’s okay fellow man, to step on the greens my father grew…

the plot is ours-this is the land we grew.

so he wouldn’t mind, he’ll smile and tell you that the garden looks fine…

so burn the field, burn the fruit,

it’s okay still, tomorrow we’ll make peace, who knows?

come to my home, when the war is over, let’s have a meal by that fire

you ignited with no desire

but with the sole intention of obeying your commander.

tell us what thoughts governed your mind

when, for once, the land you stood on wasn’t a mine.

-Su De Zoysa

confession.

there has always been something that I yearn for in them; this fictional couple Austen brought to life.

it so happens that people who know me confess that I’m nothing like Elinor Dashwood and that I’m everything like her sister, Marrianne. I’m afraid they are right. my emotions: they take flight within a matter of seconds and I can’t seem to get them to land on solid ground without a devastating impact on my heart and self as a whole. I have a heart that feels ever so deeply than necessary by the standards deemed acceptable by people in general. I confess that there have been times i caught myself wishing I weren’t so easily affected by the world and what it has to offer.

Elinor, whose capacity to silently endure pain, makes me want to strive to govern my emotions, but I fail so miserably at it.

I remember that I cried when she did, at the very end of the story when Edward professes his love.

patience is a rare gift and I practice it as best I could, but I can’t seem to get rid of the pain that makes my heart’s sinews tighten in a way that makes it so difficult for me to breathe.

Surely, I’m going to have to live like this, and what I know is that I couldn’t be anything unlike myself even if I tried.

try to say what you know.

when all else subsides,
when the city sleeps for the night,
when everyone’s tucked in after dining on each other’s disposable lives,
when some contemplate that one end we dread (or not),
when the wind drags the unwilling, brown leaves along the deserted pavement,
the ghosts of our yesterdays haunt the places we secretly love so much,
and i’ll tell you how it goes,
if you would let go what you own for a moment, swing open your door, if only you could find the time, i’ll tell you all you need to know:
why my knees are bruised, why my arm is purple, why my lips are dry, and why my eyes are sore..
and why they’ll never go back to the way they were before, why time is such a great master, and how i’m such a good learner?
I really don’t know.
                   `-to Josh Radnor

Christmas in Two Thousand

i'm an old Christmas card: red, green, and a bit of silver sparkling dust,
lying in a pile of old photographs
in your storage room in a box. 

sitting in the dark, my glimmer outshone by a thin layer of dust 
that settled on me night after night silently, hiding me from view -
each time your wine glasses clinked above,
each time a new voice was heard in your doorway,
and was never heard again, 
and all the times you've come down here but never saw me,
what kept me company were your termite-smitten photographs, 
also behind a layer of dust, also forgotten -
a group of unfamiliar faces sharing their fading smiles, 
clad in torn jeans and shirts untidily tucked - forlorn like me. 

if you find me, i might not be as whole as i once was somewhere in two 
thousand.
and it's unlikely that i'd survive amid a termite colony.
but if you do find me, think of me fondly,
i was your friend and i couldn't confess it then;
that i thought of you often, and i always wondered if you thought of me too
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the sound of reason

I can’t always try to be good. I know I have thought about this before and I would never dream of seeing other people hurt. Today, however, I cannot take it any longer. I just need it to go crazy. I need the skies to turn violent, roar in anger, and unleash its rage, and rain heavily.
I live in a place where heavy rain wouldn’t affect or harm me badly, at least, I think so. I am also convinced that what I seek will be the ruin of others. I know there are people who would suffer terribly from it: their houses would crack and topple off cliffs upon which they sit and their lands would fall apart leaving them in utter misery I will never be able to stomach. I am sorry.
I cannot moderate my prayers like before. For I used to pray: First, seeking absolute protection and warmth for the people I would be putting in great peril to get what I want. Second, I would shut my eyes tight and see my heart’s unequivocal desire to see, smell, feel and taste the cold, terrible rain – fulfilled. And sometimes, as an afterthought, I would simply agree to settle for nothing.
I just don’t have the strength or desire anymore to think about the catastrophic effects of rain. I just have to ask for it this time, without having to mop a trace of guilt soiling my conscience, later on. And when I know that that’s the only thing I need right now to feel alive, I can’t always try to be good.