the loop

the Universe is colossal
and I am but a speck
in awe of Its splendour
gleaming amidst death

It will reap
what It must:
the godly and the pricks,
It will pinch their lungs,
while they gasp for breath.

and a time will come,
when it will all stop,
and we’ll all talk about
Its mighty wrath.
how It cared for
no race, no lord,
no colour,
and how we survived Its fury and horror.

then we’ll  go on
as if nothing ever happened,
no fucks will be given,
as we bow again to the Dollar.

                                                  – Sudakshi

Back to You

I am grateful for the fear that grips me,
When something is new,
But I’m eternally grateful for the pain it causes
Coz it brings me back to You.

Never have I been left alone.
There’s been no day I didn’t come through,
The collosal damage that fear could do,
Was in no way meant to break me in two,
Because, because of You.

Because You’ve never been far behind,
And if I take one step, You’d take two, towards my broken spirit, and shelter my mind, and the ember that’s flickering too..

But I know too well the lightness that brews
When prayer takes flight and my thoughts are of You,
And that ember grows, soars even,
Suddenly ablaze, suddenly anew.

-Sudakshi

Lord, because of You

Cheerful am I because of You
Peaceful am I because of You
Learning to be content with all I have
Because of You.
Learning to let go of worry that I carry
Through and through.
Lightness like I’ve never known, I’m starting to feel
Because of You.
I’m growing
Because of You.
Because of the people You make me see, love, and sometimes leave,
Grateful am I to the God I can’t see
But feel around me,
With every thought, word and deed, I surrender to Your Grace,
To Your will,
There’s nothing else I know,
There’s nothing else I need to know,
I am who I am,
Because of You.

To all those who sat for their GCE ALs in Sri Lanka

This peice is written to appreciate and applaud the effort of all students who sat for their AL exam. Yes, you heard it right, we applaud your effort not your results.

While there are students who are capable of somehow adjusting (I doubt it is by choice) to the education system in Sri Lanka that is in many ways flawed, there are those who cannot conform to it, those who would rather be doing something else than straining themselves for a couple of hours to repeat chunks of information on a piece of paper. And that is NOT a humane way of assessing students` knowledge and skills.

Repeating information on a paper doesn’t determine how educated a person is because “information” is freely available everywhere at a mere click of a button.

So what is important for us as a nation to know is that, we need to focus on the set of skills a child acquires through education like selecting relevant information among heaps of others, synthesising information, and applying them in day to day life.

We need to give prominence to the set of skills a student acquires and not the test score which does not account for anything other than painful and unnatural memory power.

I wrote these sentences down sometime ago, from a video I watched on YouTube. The following are some of the key statements that knocked some sense into me. I hope they bring some insight into your perspectives about education too.

“Human beings are naturally different and diverse”
However, sadly,
“Usually education systems encourage not diversity but conformity”

“The dominant culture of education does not focus on teaching and learning but testing”

“Testing is important but they should not be the dominant culture of education”

“Testing should support learning, it shouldn’t obstruct it!”

“Kids prosper best with a curriculum that celebrates their various talents”

Ask yourselves this, is our education system testing our kids for the sake of testing? Does it recognise, appreciate, and celebrate the differences in our children?

— Sudakshi

.

Define a kiss

Your lips are like moist earth.
Your kisses leave my tongue on fire
Your embrace is the veil that shields me from the rest of the world temporarily, however,

You leave me full,
Not yearning for more.
Like a brimming cup of tea.
I’m content as fuck.
That’s my drug.
And when the end nears,
And God pulls the plug,
I’ll go.

– Su De Zoysa

My father told me..

my father told me, quite recently in fact, if I forget to do something that someone asked me to do, that is because, in truth, I didn’t think what was asked of me or the person who asked it from me was important.

when people become unimportant or are in the process of becoming unimportant to you or are taken for granted, we forget. that’s as simple an explanation could get.

and he is right.

my father is important to me, and so is my mother, and a countable few others.

i have to make the most of the time that is given to me with them. And I don’t want them to think that they are taken for granted. besides, it will come easily to me, to love them, to make known that I care for them. i mean, why else am I here on earth?

I want to be four again.

I want to be four again.
The weight I carried then was hardly heavy – didn’t care much for food or for clothes or for anything my twenty six year old mind wants now

I want to be four again – to be content with what’s on a four year olds mind,
To be just the right size to hide under closets, beds, and coffee tables and to squeeze through doorways that are usually barricaded.

Like the kitchen blockade my mother made from scratch (from old peiecs of wood) to stop me from taking the onions and potatoes (two at a time because my hands were small) – for they were round in shape and normally things that were round in shape were meant to be thrown – at least that’s what they do with round shaped things.

Like the bathroom blockade that was put up to prevent me from squeezing bottles of shampoo more than that was necessary to bathe my dolls….

I would be four again, if I could.

– Su De Zoysa

24th August twenty eighteen.

Counting all the blessings of the things You have done and the things You have stopped,
Reminicing loss and pain,
Many years ago, now, and in times to come..
I feel safe knowing when the road ahead is dark, You won’t just be waiting on the other side, but You’ll be with me at all times, holding my hand gently and walking beside me,
And in others, You will walk ahead of me, clearing the way, blocking all the wrong roads with your every step with your every divine breath, and I will walk right behind You, knowing that I am forever safe,
And in some others, when my strength and faith run too low, only hanging by a thread, my heart screaming for answers, and for reasons why,

You will carry me in Your arms – my almost lifeless body and inside me – not a flame as it once used to be, but an ember of Faith, growing cold little by little..
You will carry me, cover me, hide and heal me till that ember sparks again, and grows into the flame that overpowers all doubt, all logic, and all things known and unknown..
Lord, my heart isn’t big enough to hold all the gratitude I have for You.

– Sudakshi De Zoysa

i am proof of a loving God

funny how my faith can rise like a flame of a bonfire
funny how sometimes my faith is smaller than a flame of a lamp of clay
in one moment it just rises and is in full bloom: fierce, great, and all,
and in another, I lose focus,
I question , I cry, I plead, I retreat.

it’s unbelievable what a melody sung in praise of the Lord can do to a restless mind, to a broken soul..
it’s amazing what words of comfort can do to ease an anchored heart.

and better still, when you’re hurting so badly you don’t even know what is causing it-
when you clutch your head with both hands, shut your eyes so tight that tears of pain and confusion struggle to find their way out through the corner of your eyes; your face and chest – all red! – your nerves so visible that one might think they’d pop –
when your heart’s still not steady – and your mind still wobbly because the weight you’ve been carrying is just too, too much – THAT – that is the moment greater than all others – when you just kneel there, your arms outstretched – your faith just hanging by a thread-
you begin to feel it..
you begin to feel as though a huge boulder is being lifted off your shoulders.
you open your eyes and the heavy breathing ceases –
stiffened muscles of your heart loosens and warm blood begins to flow –
And suddenly, all is somehow well and better than before!

That is proof of a loving God.
I am proof of a loving God.
– Su De Zoysa

blossoming paradox

what is certain in this moment?
his eyes? lips?
and nervy wrists?
her long slender neck?
her fingertips?

the world to them came to a standstill – the sound of branches swaying, leaves quivering, and the low hum of the evening wind – were all suddenly inconsequential.

as they remained still and shone under the yellow lamp light,
he gently caressed her back while the night was young
and the dark blue patch of sky above them was like a tapestry from Heaven
visible from the spot where they just

stood
and the overwhelmed stars bore witness
to what was coming to life –
their heads full of the unspoken and the spoken –
their hearts restless and yet so calm at the same time –
and just like that they turned into a living paradox –
fingers interlaced, lost in flickering thoughts,
yet found each other in a loving embrace.

– Su De Zoysa